Sunday, September 02, 2012
Always look on the bright side of life
Every time I asked my father what he did during his off-duty hours in World War II, he would joke and say he "went to museums, lectures, and libraries."
Nah, truth be told, he wanted to try as many women of the world as he could. After all, he was in it for the duration, 1942 to 1945 - from when he was 17 to when he was 20.
British girls, Dad told me, could be yours for the night if you bought them a beer. Welsh girls had calves as thick as their ponies. French women were beautiful and smelled nice, but carried venereal diseases. Italian women had big breasts, but large ugly brothers who wanted to kill you for defaming their sister. Dad only got to sneak up behind North African girls and pull off their veils.
But German women? Ah, Dad said they were gorgeous "mit grossen titzen und kleine zeitsen" as he would say in his pidgin Deutsche. My father told me that during the war, "fraternization" with German women was verboten and a GI would be fined some thirty-some odd dollars as a fine for being caught with one . . . and that he paid over $600 in such fines. Evidently, according to Dad., the MPs did not buy his story that he only stopped her to ask for directions and that the reason her short was off was because she had a map tattooed on her belly.
Please note: any - *ahem* - activity was consensual. Dad loved women and would not tolerate any violence toward them. My uncle told me the story of how he and three other guys once kept my father from a murder rap when he snapped in a bar and started to beat a man to death for molesting a woman.