Just saw Snow White and the Huntsman. Take away special effects and Charlize Theron and you have . . . two hours and seven minutes you will never get back again.
I never saw the Twilight movies and I am sorry I did not, because that might have tipped me off to just how much a cardboard cutout is young Ms. Stewart. To begin, Snow White is supposed to be fairer - you know, prettier, or more beautiful - than the Evil Queen.
|Good Girl Charlize|
While Stewart is "pretty" (my daughter thinks Stewart has buck teeth) - she is no match for Theron, who is stunningly beautiful. And I usually prefer brunettes. Stewart's features are too sharp and she has this perpetually unhappy look to her face. Speaking of which, I believe I counted two smiles from her in this movie: dancing with a dwarf and being crowned queen. And it looked small and tight at that last one. Unfortunately, I think they are setting this up for a sequel. I won't spoil the ending, but you're left with a feeling of, oh God, this ain't over yet as True Love Hath Not Been Declared Betwixt The Lovers, and no fairy tale can end without that.
But . . . what is the hype about Kristen Stewart? She did her best acting in this movie when her character was dead. Theron, on the other hand, is perfectly evil - if you go to see it, compare the two women when they are "fired" up and you will see that it is no stretch for Theron to exude power whereas when Stewart is supposedly rallying the people behind her . . . meh, it seems like high school theatrics.
Pretty much all of the special effects can be seen in the trailers for the film, which is never a good sign. The one special effect not seen in the trailers are the fairies, where it appears they took some left over Na'avi from Avatar, bleached them, and then shrunk them. Funny, but it looked like when Snow White has her first up-close encounter with them, even they seem to be forcing themselves to smile at her.
It occurred to me after the movie that some of the dwarves were . . . not dwarves. Like those played by Bob Hoskins and Ian McShane, fine actors, but no little people. By the way, Hoskins plays Muir, the wise old blind dwarf - which means you will hear one of the most cliched lines in Hollywood for a character like his: "You have eyes, Huntsman, but cannot see."
And some interesting hair styles, from bad braiding to bad bowl cuts. Except Charlize's - fabulous coiffing!
Still couldn't figure out which dwarf was Dopey . .
Wait for it on cable.