See, the Church just wants us to do their job . . .

Did you know that secretly - I mean, in their heart o' hearts - the Catholic Church really wants . . . Obama to do their work.  It is not about the Church wanting him to allow a conscience clause.  It's about the Bishops being so ineffectual that they recognize this and are trying to get Obama to do their work.

Somewhere, I cannot help but think, there is a portrait, decaying . . .

And it must be true because that noted theologian, Nancy Pelosi, says so.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says the Catholic Church wants the federal government to enforce contraception because the church, by default, has failed to do so.

"Ninety-eight percent of women in childbearing age that are Catholic use contraception,” Pelosi, a Catholic, said in a speech at Texas A&M University in College Station.

“So, in practice, the church has not enforced this, and now they want the federal government and private insurance to enforce it. It just isn't consistent to me," a CNSNews.com report quotes the California Democrat as saying. 

I know what you may be thinking - there are Catholics who commit adultery, there are Catholics who lie, and cheat, and deceive, and break vows, and engage in behavior that the Church deems sinful - against all of which the Church has proscriptions.  But since the Church does not "enforce" them, that is, barge into a woman's home and demand her birth control pills.  At least, I think that is what Pelosi envisions by "enforecment."

And, Father Pelosi has some sound advice on matters of faith, too.

Americans should pray for successful implementation of President Barack Obama's mandate that insurance companies provide healthcare plans with contraception, including sterilization and abortion-inducing drugs, Pelosi said.

"Abortion should be rare and safe," she said, so contraception offers women a logical choice.

Yes - she said it.  Catholics should pray for the successful implementation of a program that will bring free abortion to all women.  If there is one thing that CLEARLY and UNEQUIVOCALLY antithetical to the Church's teachings . . . it is abortion.

But let us not be too hasty.  Perhaps Pelosi has a point.  Perhaps the Church should take a more active role in "enforcing" its teachings.  While it does not advocate having a bunch of jack-booted thugs in cassocks suddenly break into someone's home - Monty Python skits regarding the Spanish Inquisition aside - it does have various remedies for members of its flock that stray.

And perhaps it can start by excommunicating Nancy Pelosi.  Because if excommunication is reserved for grave sin, exhorting fellow Christians to pray for the slaughter of innocents - and working towards making the procedure that would do so widely and freely available - seems to fit the bill neatly.

When Pelosi leaves a room, are those the click-click-click of her high-heeled shoes I hear . . . or cloven hooves?