Defriended

A friend of mine brought this image to my attention.

In my lifetime, I have read George Orwell's dystopian novel, 1984, many times.  The main character, Winston Smith, works in the governmental Ministry of Truth, whose primary function is to revise the past so as to be in line with the government's current "truth."  Orwell was, of course, referring to the old Soviet Politboro, who were experts at photo retouching long before Photoshop, removing disgraced party members and making them, to use Orwell's phrase, unpersons.

Our social media network allows us to do the same, even if we don't realize how closely we act as Winston Smith and his colleagues.  A few clicks, and people are removed as friends, contacts, or "circle" members.  In fact, such outlets offer someone an even more "aggressive" means of disposing of one's former friends, family, and/or flames with the ultimate kiss of death:  "the block."  Ye shall not even look upon mine name, nay, even to mine avatar or profile picture shall ye be anathema . . .

But this is not to condemn anyone who takes this route.  Rather, it is to remark on a curious phenomenon of our times, namely that we seem to all have "real" friends and "virtual" friends.  I have been "trimming the fat", so to speak, on my social media outlets because I came to realize, many of my "friends" are merely so because in some weird ongoing game of "Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon," they saw my opinions/thoughts/witticisms posted on someone else's wall/blog/account and thought, "Hey, she and I are like-minded . . ."  And suddenly - we're friends.

Added to this is a disconnect as to the definition of a "friend."  I often see a post from someone who is regurgitating the Glurge of the Day that speaks to how much they rely on their Facebook/Google Plus/Foursquare/Reddit/Blogger "family" and how "blessed" they feel.  Really?  I guess, then, it doesn't take much to make you feel all warm and squishy.  I see that and I have to wonder, is it hormones or boundary issues.

This is not to say that true friendships cannot start online.  I have made good friends with fellow members of the Catholic/political blogosphere, all of which started with reading certain blogs and commenting on them.  I define "friend" here to mean someone whom I would take the time to meet in person.  I think that is what sets me apart from other people - many are content to remain simply "virtual" friends, whether it is because of shyness or perhaps even the having the "out" of making them an "unperson" as described above if things just don't work out.  But I can say, I have enjoyed the company of those whom I know by their screen names - and later met "for real."  Today, I had one "blogosphere" friend ask if she and her husband can come visit this summer, from Michigan - no, I have never met them in person but I would be delighted to host them, since through the blogosphere and social media, we have forged a conection that goes beyond just reading each other's posts. 

So I find it fascinating the interplay between our "real" world and the "virtual" world.  Digital friendships become real friendships.  Real friendshps end digitally.  Who are we online and who are we in person?  I have seen cases in my time as Family Law attorney where divorced couples will only communicate through texts and emails regarding their children - really! 

Technology is wonderful.  But I am thinking more about how I use it and whether I may be guilty of the sin of relegating a person who is or was significant to my life to bits and bytes.  A sin?  Yes, maybe - because I think there is a thin line to doing so for the sake of someone who might be unable to handle a more personal contact or protecting oneself (both of which may be quite legitimate) and using it to reduce a person to an electronic entity that can be erased with the click of a mouse. 

And if I cross that line, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa . . .  Even my worst enemies (and seriously, who really has any except Satan?) should retain their humanity.