Repentance

Child St. John the Baptist, originally uploaded by Stephanie A. Richer.

The day before Christmas Eve, I was looking forward to the holiday, but I was also troubled by something that had happened over the week previously, involving an exchange between me and a friend.  What she told me about herself left me with a disturbing feeling that she was not being completly honest, both with me and themselves.  What troubled me brought to question whether there was mortal sin at work.

I had decided to spend some time by myself, looking in antique shops for - of all things! - a bar sign for my home bar.  As I meandered, it allowed me time to think about what should I do, that is, whether to pretend everyhting is hunky-dory or ask for clarification on my doubts.  Of course, I asked God for guidance and then - something I am getting good at - I shut up and waited for some sort of signal from God.  You have to be quiet and wait.  He answers - but in His own time.

I was in one shop when I found myself face-to-face with the print above - which scared the dickens out of me.  No, really,  And I will explain in a minute.  I bought the print.  The artist was C. Bosseron Chambers, a well-known religious painter.  I tried in vain to find out where the original of this hung, but through St. Ignatius Church in Chicago, where there are some original Chamers works, I learned the following story regarding  the boy who modeled for this:

The original of the little "Saint John," he of the valiant heart and the vision of the future in his eyes, is in heaven with the real John of the Wilderness, and the beloved disciple. This little fellow, the son of an old pupil, died shortly after the picture was finished.

It saddened me to learn that the model had died as a child, but the description stuck with me - "he of the valiant heart and the vision of the future in his eyes."  I had not thought of John the Baptist as such as child - we know him leaping for joy in utero, and then the narrative fast-forwards to the adult man, clothed in his camel skin and chowing down on locust and wild honey.  But look at this boy, looking ahead to his martyrdom.  Is he scared?  Is he resolute?  I think he is a little of both, that even sanctified in the womb as he was, he sees the job he has ahead, to lead sinners to repentance, and the price it will cost him.  And so he cluthches his cross, the symbol of his destiny, to his heart for courage.  I think he is so beautiful.

So why did this scare me?  Because he reminds me of a child I knew from a story, who suffered abuse that cost her a measure of her innocence, but who ultimately forgave her tormentor.  I can picture this little John as that child.  I can imagine that child praying for a valiant heart.  Did I say God works in His own time?  But still, it came . . . when the child was a woman and could forgive.

And so I have begun praying to St. John the Baptist and have asked him to be my patron saint for 2012.  Already, I have received requests from several people to pray for conversions, for repentance and for turning from sin, for the sake of others. I have my own intention, to pray that my friend mentioned at the beginning of this post be saved from sin, now and always.

Now, mind you, I have asked God, why me?  I am NOT a particularly holy person so I do not understand why God wants me to pray that the souls of others be saved from sin when I need such prayers myself.  But I feel He is telling me to trust him, and that through my partnership with St. John the Baptist this year, I will benefit from helping bring others away from sin. 

And so I'll wait, and reflect upon my little John above, and talk to him, asking this little boy to inertcede for me and others.  His gaze reminds me, look forward, move forward, keep your eye on the prize.  Because when there is sin, it is easy to succumb to spiritual inertia, rather than undertake the process - often uncomfortable and sometimes painful - to move away from the behavior and circumstances that lead us to sin.  Which is why I pray to "he of the valiant heart" . . . for courage.

Little St. John the Baptist, give me the trust of a child in God's mercy, and the courage to face the Truth without fear and secure it will bring me to God and make me holy.  You lived and you died to bring sinners to repent; help me to see the way that I might do the same for others and myself.

I ask this through Christ, Our Lord.  Amen.  (+)

By the way, if anyone knows where the original painting of this work by Chambers can be found, I would appreciate the heads up.