Let us begin:
- Bad spelling and poor grammar. Now, I know the beauty of Facebook is that it is spontaneous! Friendly! Just between me and my 321 close friends! And I recognize when someone will purposely write something folksy using literary license, such as, "I lahks me some pie!" That is appropriate and a literary device used by people such as Mark Twain, George Orwell, and Hubert Selby, Jr. And I know that mobile devices with their blasted auto-correct functionality - not to mention typing on a touch screen - can cause one's commentary to slip. But if you are putting your best face to the world, albeit digitally, strive to be literate. As I commented earlier, I would have thought that the song "Loser" by Beck would teach a generation how to spell that word correctly. If you write, "He is such a looser," I must inquire as to whether the subject is an archer or has simply eaten too much.
- Infantilism in language. Sadly, this happens all too often with members of my own gender. Someone could post as their status, "My God, I just found out I have an inoperable brain tumor that will kill me within six months!" and, in response, someone will comment, "Hang in there - wuv u!" Weally?
- Drunk Facebooking. This happens when someone decides to unwind with Facebook and a cocktail. Or two. Or several. At the same time, they may be listening to music and think, "Man, I never knew how deep and meaningful the song "Mandy" is . . . man, I gotta post this on Facebook!" Or, "God, I love the Packers, my life is devoid of any meaning or worth without them!" Thereafter, this person will post some 50 links, pictures, and videos, all dedicated to the object of their admiration, and all within the next five minutes. Subsequently, you come onto Facebook, only to see your entire wall - and more of it below - spammed by their postings. And causing you to overlook a single status from a friend saying, "I want to kill myself tonight. I need someone to talk to."
- OMG, IF YUR REALLY FREAKIN OUT AND YOU CANT BREATH OMG YU NEED TO STOP FREAKIN OUT BECUZ YOUR GONNA EXPLODE . . . then you wouldn't have the time to type it out on Facebook, now would you? Oh, and , TYPING IN CAPS IS STILL CONSIDERED SCREAMING!
- Think before you repost. According to the site Transplant Living, the average cost of a heart transplant in 2008 was $787,000. Some three years later, I could predict it is nearer to $900,000. I think it is highly improbable that a medical facility would move a patient up on the list of those waiting for a donor heart and perform all the medical work gratis because a picture of the patient - who looked quite POST-op in the picture - was shared 100 times. Also, no, simply because you're my Facebook friend, I do not consider you family. Thinking that just makes me question whether you have an issue with boundaries.
- Passive-aggressive irony. "OMG, some people should just tell me what they think of me instead of talking behind my back to all our friends, and they know who they are, I hate those people who won't tell you to your face!"
- Lurkers. Some of my friends have the saddest profiles of old statuses and the occasional lonely voice in the wilderness writing on their wall, "Hey, how are you doing?" Does it mean that they are not active on Facebook? Perhaps. But I notice in conversation with these people, they bring up subjects that you have recently discussed on Facebook, which leads me to believe they use Facebook to lurk. Think of them as sort of a digital Peeping Tom. Here is a tip that I know other friends do: adopt a fictitious persona. It is okay to hide your identity. Frankly, I enjoy the alter egos of some of my friends, especially when it allows them to suspend some inhibitions they have in real life.