Did you know that the turkey you're going to enjoy on Thanksgiving Day this Thursday is probably halal? If it's a Butterball turkey, then it certainly is -- whether you like it or not.
OMG, IT'S A FUCKIN' MUSLIM TURKEY!
Please . . .
Frankly, as a supporter of All Things Capitalism, if Butterball wants to sell one of their nasty, chemical-laden, faux-juiced turkeys to Muslims and they have figured out a way to do so . . . good for them. Maybe it will help all those people who feel American values are somehow threatened by these birds to know that little Muslim kids are gorwing up to expect turkey, and stuffing, and mashed potatoes on the 4th Thursday of November. Probably sitting there watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, too, to turn and ask, What will Santa be bringing me on Christmas?
Me, I don't buy Butterball. I buy whatever I can get cheap using my "turkey points" at Ingles. And I want plain - no "self-basting" piece o' shit, but a simple turkey with the giblets in a neat bag in the neck (aka "the Pope's nose", oh ha, ha) and some nice skin I can loosen and stick about five pounds of butter laden with herbs.
Frankly, I think the joke's on the Muslims. Guys, guys - real turkeys don't come with a pop-up telling you when it's done . . .