Actually, let's start this post with Jewish sex toys. And I'm talking hot, horny Hasids, Hadassah!
A new online store selling kinky battery-operated sex toys and bondage gear is aimed exclusively at Orthodox Jewish couples looking to spice up their sex lives.
The shop is hoping to capture the interest of conservative couples hesitant to visit seedy web sites that might feature explicit pictures, which would be forbidden to them.
'The greatest misconception in pop culture is that religious people are pious in bed,' he said. 'In fact, Orthodox Jewish couples are taught, once they get engaged, to have phenomenal, shout-out-loud, swinging-from-the-chandelier sex.'
I don't know if you have ever walked the streets of Williamsburg in New York or Fairfax in Los Angeles, but one thing you will notice is children. Lots and lots of children. And very pregnant women. In part, this is because Jewish law forbids a husband from approaching his wife for sexual relations while she is "unclean" - which happens to be until 14 days after her period starts. A quick dip in the mikvah and Rachel is ready to rock the Rebbe, if you know what I mean . . . which also happens to be her fertile period. But the fact that there is conception can only mean one thing - yes, they're playing "hide-the-salami." As for the chandelier swinging, I dunno, it could prove dangerous if you get your tsisit tangled.
Now, I cannot speak to whether this is truly kosher under Jewish law . . . but would the products sold on this website be a "near occasion of sin," as we say in the world o' Papists?
Here is my take on it - and I invite any Catholic theologians to weigh in regarding their own thoughts (remember, Father, I allow anonymous comments): so long as it isn't the use of porn, that is, bringing any third party into the bedroom (or kitchen, or garage, or wherever the Spirit moves you), it's okay. Listen, don't be ashamed - if the neighbor happens to see you at Costco buying several cases of batteries, tell them it's for the kids' electronics, they'll never know the reason. A little Byzantine BDSM? Just keep it down, you busy little beavers, and don't forget to bring a pillow to Mass if you need to, those pews can be hard on spanked cheeks.
But . . . remember to observe the days of abstinence. Maybe Lent may be a little more masochistic . . . but don't you love it?
BTW, here is the link to Kosher Sex Toys. Just in case.
3 comments:
Oy Vey! This is hilarious! It reminds me of Dr. Ruth: "Have Good Sex!"
In Love & Responsibility, Karol Cardinal Wojtyla (Bl. JPII) wrote that it would be an act of tenderness on the part of the husband if, recognizing the violent curve of arousal in the male as compared with the female, he learn to control himself so that, as closely as possible, the couple climaxes together.
And, in one of my favorite bits from Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body, JPII writes that even "the consciousness of the gratification of the act" is part of its sacramental make-up (while it would be wrong to think of heaven as one sustained orgasm, it is interesting to note that any of the seven sacraments is a "foreshadowing" of heaven).
Not toys...but those lines have a tendency to cause naysayers a second thought on dismissing the "prudish" Polish pope!
The Jesuits taught us that "anything goes" in marital relations as long as it led an effort to concieve. Ah, there's the rub .... - what is wrong with a little fun among marrieds?
Post a Comment