Al Gore should condemn the Jehovah's Witnesses

Because they are just contributing to Global Warning with their big-ass carbon footprint.

A couple of months ago, a woman - accompanied by other devout'uns - came to my front door and range the bell.  She introduced herself as the daughter of the folks across the street and she wanted to stop by and say, "hi" and "welcome to the  neighborhood."

Sure . . . along with three others, all holding stacks of Watchtower.

I thanked her and, pointing to her cohorts, said, "I am feeling that the real reason you're here is to tell me about Jehovah's Witnesses.  Okay, let me not waste your time.  This is a Catholic home.  We are not interested."

"Can I leave you a copy of this?"

"No.  Have a nice day."

And off she and her fellow Witnesses went.

Now this morning I hear the dogs going bat shit crazy and I go to the side door.  Different woman, Hispanic, with a Black girl standing next to her, both holding - aw yeah, Watchtower.  And sitting in the car behind them was the guy from across the street.

Senora started in and I politely stopped her.  "Please, y'all have already been here, and I told you then, I was not interested."

She asked, "When was that?"  Now, unless the Witnesses have separate cadres and there is some membership drive going on, where the top-selling cadre gets an all-expenses paid vacation to Branson, MO, I thought, you know damn well when they were here.

"About two months ago."

She cut in, quickly.  "Oh, but I'm here to tell you what we believe in the Bible!"

Time to turn the tables.  "And I'm here to tell you -  come home.  Come home.  Come home to the one, true faith, the holy Roman Catholic Church."  I noticed the young Black girl was watching me, warily.  So I stared at her directly.  "Come home.  You are breaking your Mother's heart.  Come home."

La Senora got all smug.  "Well, my Heavenly Father tells me to bring this word to you, not a Heavenly Mother."

I looked at her, "Who was Jesus' mother?"

She started telling me something else about her organization, and I interrupted her.  "You're not answering the question - who was Jesus' mother?"

"Well, it was Mary."

"Okay," I said.  "Mary is not a deity, of course, but would your Heavenly Father allowed His Son to be born to a sinful person?"

She grinned.  "Jesus wasn't born, He was transferred by the power of . . ."

"Alrighty, let's say He was 'transferred', as you said.  Would God allow His Son to be 'transferred' to anything less than a pure receptacle?"

"Mary was a sinful person."

I smiled.  "Again, not answering the question - would God allow His Son to be 'transferred' to anything less than a pure receptacle?"

She bristled and I said, "Alright, let's end this.  You have a nice day."  As I moved to turn to go back into my kitchen, she came and put a foot on my bottom step, and said, "Wait, I have to tell you about what we believe . . ."

Wrong move, chica.  "Okay, let me say this more clearly.  Get.  Off.  My.  Property."

"Can I leave some literature with you?"

"No.  You leave.  And don't come back  I have told you we are not interested and there's no sale here."

"Sale?!  I'm not selling anything!"

"Yes, you are.  You are proselytizing.  You want new members for your church."

"No, I just want to explain what we believe in the Bible so you can make up your own mind!"

"Ma'am, I know what you believe in the Bible.  I have read your literature before, and found it wanting.  So go away and do not come back."

As she turned, the young Black girl stil stood there, still staring at me.  So I said, one last time, to her:

"Come home.  Come home.  St. Albert the Great, right over there on Brickey Lane.  Come home, where you'll be safe."

She turned and got into the car.

And they drove away, and then I saw them drive up the next driveway.  Now, the man driving the car lives across the street.  He knows my neighbor is a life-long Methodist, whose church is less than a quarter-mile down the road.  And then I saw them drive away from my neighbor's house, and turn into the next driveway to the little house that my neighbor built for his elderly mother, who still lives there.

And I bet they'll do with every damn driveway, despite the driver knowing these people and knowing if they had any interest, they'd have signed up a long time ago.

I am not going to rant against the Jehovah's Witnesses who stand outside of courthouses with their copies of Watchtower, wishing everyone who passes a good morning, and no more.  But when you damn well know your neighbors are not interested, and you're going to spend your day, driving up and down each driveway with a pushy sales pitch . . . my hospitality and Christian charity wears thin.

It's time to start making $5 donations in my neighbor's name to The Catholic League.