Random thoughts about dead people on my Christmas tree and why be limited in historical disasters for family fun . . .

The woman of the couple from whom we brought this house was an avid catalog recipient, mostly of "home decor" in a style I will call "country kitchen."  You know, the geese, the gingham, the godawful tea cozies . . . and the glurge.  Glurge is the overly entimental stuff, designed to bring you to tears of joy upon viewing.  As an example, we all need a sign saying "Back Door Guests Are Best" although that may take another meaning if you happen to be having an affair with your pool boy.

(I'm not.  In fact, one of the jokes I have with my husband is that I tell him I am boffing Miguel the Pool Boy and he gets excited and asks, "We have a pool?!")

I feel sorry for Jesus - He gets dragged into a lot of this.   You know when you see one set of foootprints along the sand, that's either when He carried you or you decided to grab a piggyback ride.  However, one thing I don't cotton to is putting dead people on my Christmas tree via the Memorial Christmas Ornament.

I will warn you now - if I see this on your Christmas tree, I will ask "How do you know your Granny is in Heaven?"  In the aforementioned catalogs, there is a host of Memorial Christmas Ornaments, some featuring a place to put a picture of the smiling loved one (or unsmiling - Daddy was always a sum'bitch, warn't he?)  and even those designed for deceased pets, allowing you to turn your Christams tree into a sort of Stephen King Pet Semetary, with Fuffy, Mr. Winkles, Snowball, and Duchess joining you for the holidays.

An aside:  the catalog also featured a "memorial garden stake" that allows you to hang a picture of your departed beloved with "In Memoriam" on the frame in your day lilies or compost pile.  I wish I had seen that when my mother was alive.  I would have purchased one and stuck it out in the backyard with her picture, just to see how long it would take her to notice it.  I'd know when I'd hear her come in, sayng, yer bastard, ya think you're funny don't you?  Then she'd replace the picture with one of her friends and go sneak it into their yard.)

Mind you, I like a lot of dead people - I just give them their due on Dia de los Muertos for All Saints/All Souls Day, and not as ornaments on my tree.  Christmas, as we all know - especially if you watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey and listen to Melissa "The Only Difference Between Me and Snooki is the Bank Account" Gorga - is for Baby Jesus.  And you don't put Baby in a corner for the sake of Great-Aunt Lottie who may, just may, be roasting in Hell.

Now onto disasters . . .

While driving along I-40, I noticed a billboard for an attraction in Pigeon Forge called "TITANIC:  A Family Experience."  Yeah, doggy, I suppose it was for Mr. and Mrs, Levi Strauss, who lay in each other's arms while their cabin filled with frigid sea water.  It just struck me as odd - who green lit the idea to take a disaster that claimed some 1,800 lives and turn it into a fun-filled day for families, with its slogan "Outside is Just the Tip of the Iceberg!"

No, I want mine hard core.  Why not take something bigger and make that a family attraction . . . like the Jonestown Massacre in Guyana, for example.  Maybe work up a pitch like, "There's More Inside!" where tourists can move along tents with interactive displays, to include, "Mix Up Some Fun at Our Drink Bar!"  I notice the Titanic attraction has a notice:  "Moms Blog, Now Boarding!" where mothers can post links to their blogs that describe the vist they had with their families - same thing, only maybe "Moms Blog, Now Pouring!" where moms can share their experiences and recipes with other moms who have visited the attraction "Jonestown: Jungle Safari." 

I'm gonna need a lot of dummies for this one . . .