Dear Leader's Birthday

I hear the North Koreans love to celebrate their own Dear Leader's birthday.  Of course, the alternative is a one-way ticket to a labor camp.  Fortunately, it hasn't come to that here in the US of A.

But just in case your local Walmart is having a sale on Kool-Aid and the last two-and-a-half years have not been sufficiently glorious for you under the benevolent dictatorship of Barack Hussein Obama. you can but a "host pack" for $150 to help you throw your own 50th birthday party for the President!  Because not everyone can make it to Chicago, much less  afford the mordida ticket.

While aides plan a glitzy Aug. 3 fundraiser-bash for Obama at Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom, organizers are encouraging thousands of supporters who can’t attend to plan and host house parties of their own.

The campaign has rolled out a website dedicated to promoting the parties -- and a glossy 4-page, step-by-step guide that instructs would-be hosts on everything from “recruiting” attendees to electronically relaying participants’ personal information back to headquarters.

Electronically relaying personal information back to headquarters?!  Who the hell is underwriting this, Scientology?!

Who should be invited? “At least 50” friends and neighbors. 

Where should it be held? “A quiet and focused place to talk and organize.”

Or, as Bill Ayers might advise, "nowhere with nosy damn neighbors . . ."

When should it start? “Sometime between 6:30 PM and 6:45 PM ET.”

That gives you only a 15-minute window, so please, no fashonably late arrivals.  "Listen, Betty, I gotta work until 7:00, can I pop over then?"  "NO!  It is MANDATORY that you BE THERE BY 6:45 PM!!!  Because . . ."

Aides say Obama will deliver a live video message to house party attendees that will stream over the internet on hosts’ computers once the events are underway.

Because by that time, that information relayed back to headquarters will have your IP address so they will know WHO is watching . . .  "Bill, if you're not there on time, He won't speak to us!  We'll miss the space ship, damn it!"

They’re also offering help with decorations, selling special “host packs” of birthday hats, buttons, balloons, stickers and signs, all emblazoned with a giant 5-0, “Happy Birthday,” and the campaign’s official logo.

And everyone WILL wear a BIRTHDAY HAT!  Those who do not comply?  "That's good, Timmie, that's real good . . . now wish it into the corn field, Timmie, into the corn field . . ."

And, don’t forget to snap a picture, they say. “We’re collecting hundreds of photos from house parties across the country and will display them for President Obama at his house party in Chicago.”

Remember those warnings about something going on your "permanent record?"

Me, I'm going with the kids to Dollywood's Splash Country with my "Obama is So Gay" t-shirt on . . .