Bull Sheet in the Golden State

This story had caught my eye not too long ago, but glancing at it, I thought it was a joke.  But it isn't.

California legislators will consider a bill . . . to outlaw flat sheets.  You know, non-fitted sheets that are handy for making a bed but a bitch to fold?  Evidently, hospital corners are an OSHA violation.

BILL NUMBER: SB 432

An act to add Section 6714 to the Labor Code, relating to workplace safety.

SECTION 1.  Section 6714 is added to the Labor Code, to read:
   6714.  (a) The standards board shall, no later than September 1, 2012, adopt an occupational safety and health standard for lodging establishment housekeeping. The standard shall apply to all hotels, motels, and other lodging establishments in California. The standard shall require all of the following:

   (1) The use of a fitted sheet, instead of a flat sheet, as the bottom sheet on all beds within the lodging establishment. For the purpose of this section, a "fitted sheet" means a bed sheet containing elastic or similar material sewn into each of the four corners that allows the sheet to stay in place over the mattress.

2) The use of long-handled tools such as mops or similar devices in order to eliminate the practice by housekeepers of working in a stooped, kneeling, or squatting position in order to clean bathroom floors, walls, tubs, toilets, and other bathroom surfaces.

Let's ignore the fact that California is facing a $26 billion deficit.  Maybe that will be made up by the extra work that hotels will need to strip all those beds of offending sheets.

Two things make me laugh:

(1) Since when is making a bed or cleaning a toilet an occupational hazard requiring regulation?  Because thee activities are not limited to hotels.  It's called housecleaning, an activity that has been going on for quite a while.  In fact, some of these activities . . . I make my children do.  Jesus, call protective services now and take them from me.  Maybe a foster care home will it the definition of a "lodging establishment" and the Digi Spawn will get long-handled brushes to swab out their shit jars there.

(2) Given my experinece at housecleaning, certain jobs just require a little extra effort.  Like cleaning bathrooms where, based upon the quality of the guests, the area can become contaminated by blood, feces, sperm, urine, or vomit.  It's a matter of physics - you really can't scrub with a long-handled mop standing upright.  So I am guessing that this will lead to somehwat cursory cleaning of some disgusting residue.  You might want to consider bringing your own amenities when checkin into a California hotel . . . or skip the state all together once typhus or cholora break out.

And - this bill makes it a crime to be non-compliant.  It used to be a business establishment ust had to worry about a shakedown from a sleazy Prop 65 lawyer, threatening lawsuit if a bathroom mirror was hung two centimeters lower than state regulation.  Now it's the lawsuit and havin to hire a criminal defense lawyer to convince a jury that as a child you had to sleep on only cheap 150-count sheets and this led to diminished capacity due to the trauma.  I note the bill does not state whether an infraction will be a misdemeanor or a felony, but given the fact that hotel housekeeping staffs are manned largely by minority groups, I have to wonder if some nimrod in Sacramento is thinking this could be classified as a hate crime.

You would think this state's legislators would have better things to do - did I mention the $26 billion deficit the state is facing? - than spend time debating legislation like this.  Bet it passes.