And Not a Single Fuck Was Given That Day

I discovered the following things about Dollywood's Splash Country:

1. You can stay on the lazy river and just keep going around and around.  Even when it's crowded.  In fact, when it is, sometimes there are "traffic jams" and people don't care and then pleasant conversations start.  Don't worry if they made you turn your t-shirt inside out at the entrance, just chill.
2. The staff on the lazy river don't care if you bring one of the souvenir drink cups.  Next time I buy one, because Mr. Pibb is gonna meet Mr. Jack, if you know what I mean.
3. Spend $30 to rent your own private canopy, akin to a poolside cabana.  The retreats are expensive and worth it if you have a number of people splitting the cost, but the canopies give you a Base of Operations, shade, and a private locker with a mofo padlock on it, such that I did not feel at all nervous about leaving my iPad in it.  Plus, it's a good place to store Mr. Jack for his introductions.
4. It's the South, for goodness sake.  There are some heavy duty folks visiting the park so do not worry if your figure is less than perfect, m'kay?  No one cares . . .