Meet Julia and Alissa:
What is important to know about Julia is the self-imposed angst she had coming out. What this has to do with her wedding is anyone's guess, unless Julia wants us really to know her . . .
GROWING up in New Market, Md., Julia Wood realized she was attracted to girls in the fifth grade but hoped — even knelt down and prayed — that the attraction would go away.
Okay, really, fifth grade? Why not start with birth? The fact that Julia chooses to let us know what was going on some 15+ plus years before her finding happiness - without doing the same for Alissa - is, well, odd . . .
But we soldier on . . . unless, of course, she is still pissed at her faith for rejecting her homosexuality like that. But, since it is never revealed what faith that is, let's just assume Julia is taking a passive-aggressive stance to whatever it may be. Can't be Catholic as it is de riguer for the NYT to bash Catholics.
Ms. Wood had gone to divinity school partly to study the Bible for messages about homosexuality. She said she came to this conclusion: “God created me to be gay, and I needed to be proud of it, and I needed to say it.”
$50,000+ per year of your parents' money spent on tuition to find out that?! I mean, tell me if I'm wrong, but the Bible is . . . one thing. Do you really need a degree to find out what it says about homosexuality . . . only to find the answer in a platitude?! Ask for your money back!
She sent a mass e-mail to her family and friends, then hid out in a friend’s room for days, terrified about how people would respond. “I would say about 80 percent of the people I e-mailed had a negative response,” said Ms. Wood, who is the sort of person you might find in a cafe deep in conversation about an obscure poem or art film.
Okay, the NYT kills me here. What has her "coming out" via mass email got to do with the fact she is likely a habitue of cafes?! The two do not make sense together. People who go to cafes to engage in deep conversations about an obscure poem or film are likely to announce signaificant events in their life by spam? Becuase nothing says I respect you mom/dad/sibling/relative/close friend by letting you know an intimate fact about me in a mass email. I would have done the same when I finally popped my cherry, except email wasn't available then. So I used a postcard and bulk mail.
So who did she meet?
Friends describe Ms. Ginsberg, now 28, as a perfectionist who can be hilarious and hapless. At work, all of her files are color-coded, and when she speaks, her sentences are crisp, grammatical and complete. “At one point in her life, she wanted to be a dental hygienist because she liked the idea of lining up all the instruments on those skinny drawers that dentists use,” said her mother, Erika Hoff.
"A perfectionist who can be hilarious and hapless." In short, Monk.
She added: “When she asked me out, I was so excited. The Cubbyhole was the only gay bar I knew of in the city, so I mentioned it.” The Cubbyhole, in Greenwich Village, happened to be one of Ms. Wood’s favorite hangouts.
Ms. Ginsberg, always punctual, arrived first, wearing a dress. She and Ms. Wood, who wore khakis, talked mainly about their shared passion for providing a good education to disadvantaged children.
Honestly, is the sartorial aspect important to this story? I recall wearing a shirt with a Loony Tunes character when I first met my future husband on our first date. Of course, I remember that because an adult woman with Downs Syndrome, whilst we were deep in meaningful conversation, came up and starting yelling, "Thass Bugs Bunny!! BUGS BUNNY!!!" and pointing to me. At that point, Mark realized my magnetism.
But okay, so now we know what each one wore on her first date. Not that it's important when talking about two lesbians unless we are being given a precursor to who's the top . . .
Oh, and Alissa is always on time.
You call it punctual. I call it OCD . . .
Their relationship became serious quickly, partly because they balance each other so well. Ms. Ginsberg doesn’t mind heights, waiting in lines, vacuuming or killing mice; Ms. Wood hates those things. Ms. Ginsberg lives in the moment; Ms. Wood has her eye on 20 years from now.
Opinions on vermin control are always important in a relationship. Especially if you're going to live in a shithole apartment in NYC. Really, their relationship became serious over their stance on rodent genocide?!
“Alissa is generally joyous and helps me take a break from being serious,” Ms. Wood said. “She makes monkey faces, tells me bad jokes, uses voices and is just really fun and excited most of the time.”
She makes monkey faces and uses voices . . . sweetie, she's schizophrenic. The bad jokes, on the other hand, are just annoying. I'm sorry, but these are grown women, yes?
Wait, are they really meant for one another? Do they really have shared values?!
“We cook together,” Ms. Ginsberg said. “I walk the dog in the morning, she walks the dog in the afternoon. We both like a lot of bookshelves.”
Bookshelves. It's settled then - run to the altar, you crazy kids! And meanwhile, the dog is thinking,
winning! Two walks a day!
At this wedding, about 60 guests watched as the brides walked together down the long aisle — Ms. Ginsberg in a wedding gown, Ms. Wood in a pantsuit.
Evidently, a pantsuit is a must when lesbians marry. But you knew that was coming after the need to let people know what they wore on the first date. Even Julia knew, khakis are simply too casual for a wedding. Thank God.
During their procession, Ms. Wood’s father, Nicholas Wood, played Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major” on the organ. In her vows, Ms. Wood promised to “kill the bugs, do the laundry and be patient” and Ms. Ginsberg vowed to “apologize when I’m wrong and even sometimes when I’m right.”
And if it doesn't work out . . . there's Terminix.
Felicidades, you guys!