Here's the monologue:
Ow, ow, ow, OW! Watch that f***in' curb! No, don't go over the cobblestones, you idiot! YOW! Man, can you find a bumpier road, chica?! Ow! I've been on this thing for an hour now - don't you have to pee or something? And when was the last time you washed this thing? A little Woolite and maybe that last UTI might not have happened . . .