Made For Each Other

It's been a long time since I read a New York Times wedding announcment that made me laugh - frankly, most couples have been pretty banal, even the gay ones.

But last Sunday's was a doozie! Quite possibly, these are the two people on earth that truly deserve each other the most.

Deborah Jacobs and Michael McPhearson

HERE are a few things Deborah Jacobs would never do: ignore a homeless person on the sidewalk, wear a flashy engagement ring, live in a gated community.

Immediately, the tone is set: the bride is better than you. Way better. Although, arguably, maybe she is just compensating for the fact that her cheap ass fiance bought a shitty ring.

Wait . . . no, Debbie is an executive director at the ACLU. Okay, yeah . . . she does think she's better than you.

By her late 20s, she was the executive director of the A.C.L.U. in St. Louis and living alone in a funky loft downtown. Her night life consisted of panel discussions on subjects like racial profiling or gay marriage.

In short, no night life. But, on the bright side, plenty of men with good advice on how to decorate her "funky" loft.

She met Michael T. McPhearson in October 1997 in a St. Louis bar where a forum was being held about police misconduct. Mr. McPhearson, a divorced Gulf War veteran turned peace activist, spoke out often in his friendly yet fierce way.

"Spoke out often in his friendly yet fierce way." I think they call it PTSD. Or he is just a dick - which later in the story may be proven true.

1997? Twelve years ago? Oh wait, was it a case of "we're-not-getting-married-until-all-people-can-get-married" syndrome, but at 42 the biological clock was going tick, tick, TICK and damn it, she was going to get some commitment!

On many of their dates they examined movies, advertising and songs together, searching for racist messages “hidden like camouflaged lizards in the leaves,” Ms. Jacobs said.

Soon, they were spending weekends rallying, picketing, studying the Constitution, blogging and jogging.

Okay, this may qualify them as the antithesis of The Most Interesting Man in the World - they are The Most Humorless Couple in the Hood. I can see them now, snuggled together on the couch, the lights down low, free trade wine in glasses on the coffee table before them, gnashing their teeth at Fox News. Isn't it romantic/you at a sit-in/on such a night like this . . .

“He shows good manners to everyone,” Ms. Jacobs said. “He puts toilet seats down, but not people.”

Subtext: I got his ass trained.

Mr. McPhearson, 45, said he liked the fact that Ms. Jacobs was confident enough to cut her hair very short and go out some Saturday nights without him.

When he would leave the seat up. And giggle his goddamn ass off.

Whenever their lives become too serious, they have a water fight or go shopping for clothes, preferably purple, Ms. Jacobs’s favorite color.

“People think if you’re a peace activist, you wear scruffy clothing and Birkenstock sandals,” said Emily Whitfield, a friend of the couple. “There’s nothing wrong with looking fabulous and fighting for justice.”

There must have been a lot of water sports going on because they never seemed to have any fun in their lives. But I understand the point about fighting for justice and looking fabulous - even Superman wore tights.

“He understands that by taking care of me, he’s taking care of our dreams for
social change.”

The more I read this, the more I feel sorry for this guy. You know what he needs? A vacation. Away from her.

Along with several of the guests, the officiant, the Rev. Osagyefo Uhuru Sekou, a minister of the United Church of Christ, has been arrested more than once for civil disobedience, and sometimes takes homeless people into his home.

Because a felon makes the marriage. Okay, I give up - this factoid was included in the announcement why? To give the couple street creds or something? Or for Debbie to appear hip and with it? My God, Alice, the Jacobs girl had a real activist at her wedding, he's even been arrested! Reading something like this in The New York Times makes me think back to Tom Wolfe's satire about Leonard Bernstein having a fundraiser for The Black Panthers in his upper East side apartment in the 60's. I got a chance to dance with the Revered at the reception - he's been arrested, you know, for civil disobedience. It was, like, dancing with history or Martin Luther King or someone . . .

A few days later, the bridegroom took off on his motorcycle for a two-week road trip — a kind of solo honeymoon.

“It just makes our relationship so much better to have our own adventures,” the bride said.

Oh, sweetie, I don't think he's coming back . . .