Sugar, Sugar

Okay, now I feel really old.

Archie Andrews -- who spent decades in high school, flirting with girl-next-door Betty Cooper and heiress-next-door Veronica Lodge -- is getting married.

"I am so excited, I am getting Married to Archie. There is so much to do, so many plans to make. I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy for me!" Veronica writes on her blog.

Yup, Archie is marrying Veronica, breaking Betty's heart.

Hell, yeah - Ronnie's got the scratch. Okay, Archie's gonna have a father-in-law who hates his guts, but will give him a job so Veronica never has to want for everything. And she's high-maintenance - chances are with digital printing leading to brighter colors in the comics, Veronica has already developed a Botox habit. I'm betting that she'll go the hypenated route: Veronica Lodge-Andrews. The kids will be raised by nannies. I don't think they will divorce but eventually the marriage will evolve into a sexless and joyless affair.

What will Betty do? Well, she sure as shinola is not going to hook up with Jughead, whom I suspect is asexual and addicted to World of Warcraft. No, I see Betty as more of the Jennifer Aniston type, probably never getting married but later on adopting a little girl from China. She'll also write for Vanity Fair.

On the other hand, Moose and Midge will marry, settle down, and raise four lovely children. Midge will become an RN and Moose will surprise everyone by opening a successful auto body shop. On their 25th anniversary, the kids will surprise them with a Mediterranean cruise.

Oh, and Reggie Mantle is gay.

Maybe I read too much into comics when I was a kid . . .