Revamp of the Nerds

You know you want him

On a rainy Saturday, Cameron Dolansky put on a metal-studded leather vest and a red tunic and headed to Neumont University's most raging weekend party.

It wasn't your usual college kegger. A dozen students sat in a classroom frantically trying to kill the zombies racing across their computer screens. A few more jammed to Rock Band, their musician avatars displayed on two projector screens. Cans of Mountain Dew and fast-food wrappers littered the darkened room.

Spread over two floors in a suburban office park south of Salt Lake City, Neumont University is devoted to pumping out a steady stream of experts in computer science -- the only major that students can choose.

Employers praise the skills of Neumont's graduates but complain about their computer addictions and difficulty socializing with colleagues.

So in addition to the intricacies of computer science, Neumont is trying to teach its students how to get along better in the real world. Administrators forced them to close their laptops in class, established social clubs and required them to take courses in interpersonal communications and public speaking.

Another [obstacle] is a major shortage of women, whose ranks the school is trying to increase.

Cameron Murray, a leather jacket-wearing 20-year-old from Cleveland, estimates that the gender ratio is one woman in a billion (it's actually 1 in 20). What's more, he complains, the women at Neumont "are more like dudes with long hair," which hurts the dating scene.

First, I want to point out that these are very eligible bacehlors and women should not be so short-sighted. They are hard-working and employable, something that should appeal to you single gals. And they are very, very, very smart, to the point that who knows what new advances in technology are brewing in their crania. Not convinced? Ladies, I've got two words for you . . . Melinda Gates.

Second, there is absolutely no foundation to the ugly rumor that Fr. Erik R. got his bacehlor's from here. None at all. However, do note that Neumont University is in Utah.

I'm just sayin' . . .