The Problem With Dan Brown is Not That He's Anti-Catholic . . .

. . . but that he is a lousy writer. And don't tell me, "Oh, but look at the number of books he sells!" If the amount of sales is any indicator of quality, then Larry Flynt is freaking Ernest Hemingway.

Last week, Catholic League topper Bill Donohue declared a holy war against the studio's "Angels and Demons," blanketing Hollywood media members with e-mails alleging an anti-Catholic agenda in the book and the pic, which bows in May.

Sony doesn't seem to be quaking in its boots. "The only thing we're upset about is the timing. Maybe we could have hoped for the campaign a little closer to the opening," quips a high-ranking studio exec.

I read "Angels and Demons, " tossed it into the trash, and said, "Oh, brother . . ." If anyone wants to believe that the Illuminati has buried an anti-matter device beneath the Vatican that will destroy the world (oops, spoiler), and there is this murderous Pope's secretary (oops, spoiler) who is actually the Pope's bastard child (oops, spoiler) who kills his father because he learns that the Pope fathered a child that he does not know is himself (oops, spoiler) and so thinks his hero and mentor broke his vow of celibacy, and the secretary is actually the Illuminati agent (oops, spoiler) who hires an assassin to kills the four top contender bishops at the papal convocation to elect a new Pope (oops, spoiler - although Mahoney is NOT among them), and the secret is known by this Dr. Strangelove type in a wheelchair, but is learned than by Tom Hanks and the sexy. but brilliant, adopted daughter of this devout, but brilliant, physicist friar, and then believe the Catholic Church is really up to all that . . . they are a moron.

Moron, meet Jack Chick.

And unfortunately, I think Bill Donohue does more harm to Catholicism's PR by going after these Hollywood boob types.

And Tom Hanks' character? An Indiana Jones wannabe, IMHO.

And the best way to hit Hollywood? Don't see the movie. Unless you are going to make snarky, lood comments throughout it. Then call me. I'll pop for the Twizzlers.