Hey, I can go to Barack Obama's transitional website, change.gov, and apply for a job in his administration!
I mean, shoot, as long as he's all about that "reaching across the aisle", I think I would make a find Ambassador to the Vatican City. I get to spend the next four years living in Rome, meeting with His Holiness, and all at the US government's expense, while avoiding living under Obama's administration!
I'm sending the resume today . . .
Update: I am getting several requests for positions within my cabinet.
I am still waiting word on whether the venerable Fr. John will be the personal chaplain (I may need to establish both an In-n-Out and a Fry's in the embassy). However, as I expect Mass to be said daily, it is only fair I get a second chaplain. Any takers?
I will need a Sacristan for the embassy chapel (if there ain't one, there will be) - Gem of the Ocean, are you in?
Kasia, you are my secretary. You and the Canuck can spend the first year of your blissful wedded life in the Eternal City - delightful!
St. Joe - American Liaison to Visiting Seminarians. There, I've just created the post.
Carlos - don't know you that well, but if you are willing to pick up dry cleaning, the job is yours.
Ack! I need in-house counsel! Well, then, I would like to see if Kit at By the Brook is up for the job, and I wonder if Fr. Ed Becker, Esq. wouldn't mind coming along too. Sure, you will need to be trained in Canonical Law, but if POTUS can get on-the-job training, so can my lawyers.
(Note to Fathers John and Ed - yes, I will pay for annual passes to Disneyland Paris!)
Other Positions Open:
I will need an official driver, which will require someone with nerves of steel to pilot a Lambroghini through the streets of Rome.
Not an embassy cook, but someone who will research where to eat out at night and make the reservations.
Tutor for the kids.
Dogwalker.
Someone to make excuses for me as to why I can't come to phone when POTUS calls.
25 comments:
Stephanie, LOL...loved that too, can I be your assistant in Rome???
I can meet the Holy Father, check out the Sistine Chapel, JP2's grave,etc, and heck I am a single white male, so maybe Obama can pay for me to deepen and broaden US relations with Italian women!!!
Have a nice weekend.
Always remember our new Sieg Heil:
YES, WE CAN!
I will need a multitude of assistants, the way I see it, and why not? We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
I will also need a personal chaplain - Walter, do you think your brother is up for the job? What if I promised overnight shipments of "In-n-Out" to him? It will be expensive, but why not? We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
LOL :)...hmmmm, i want apart of this... :), I wouldn't mind discerning in Rome, and best of all the gummint is paying for it :)
If you get an In and Out installed in the Vatican, I am sure that he will consider it. He may not be able to live without the Frys Electronics though.
Oh, hell's bells, Walt, we'll get one of those put in the embassy, too! Why not? We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
(Though, can't he just shop online?)
Stephanie, did I ever tell you I'm a kick-a** secretary?
(That's relative to my experience, of course, which has primarily been in a unionized university environment...)
:-p
Dig:
I know EXACTLY what position I can fill, if you want it....I would like to apply for the position of Secretary of Asking Tim What Kind of Alcohol Would Go Well with Whatever Occasion. If you don't think I would be a fit for that one....how about Secretary of Standing Around and Making Snide Remarks About Stupid Liberals over Open Mics? Or, if neither of those, can you at least put me in charge of shilling out gobs of tax money to all of our friends and calling it "Research"?
I believe I could fulfill ALL expectations in any of those cabinet positions.
Peter:
If I give you the first job, doesn't that mean Tim and his family has to come to Rome, too? Well, why not? We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
You know, I will need an Assistant to the First Gentleman (or whatever they call the Husband of the Ambassador). That means you have to tag around with my husband with both of you making snide remarks around the bars of Rome.
As for shilling out gobs of money, heck, it's just redistribution of American wealth to the poorer drinking establishments of Italy! I see my popularity among the locals spiking already.
We will have to have Tim, it occurs to me, for the Secretary of Asking Tim What Kind of Alcohol Would Go Well with Whatever Occasion, since I will be hosting the Swiss Guard for weekend BBQs and just what does one serve to men in 14-century pantaloons?!
Dig:
Knowing the Swiss guard and their training....I would venture to say anything they ask for. It wouldn't be inefficient enough to appoint Tim as the Secretary of Asking Tim What Kind of Alcohol Would Go Well with Whatever Occasion although, admittedly, the redundancy of having Tim appointed to ask himself does sound PERFECTLY govern-mental. I also forgot that if the Digispouse and I were to have that position, Tim would be plotting to overthrow me so that HE could be the assistant and Mom probably wouldn't approve of us fighting like that. So....he can stay here in the States and we'll just charge all of our correspondence (shipping and handling, cell phones, internet usage, bribes to get the "good stuff" shipped and so on) to the taxpayers whom, at least 63,000,000, apparently expect us to charge them for it.
Anonymous was "Peter", by the way... a little to quick to the "Enter" key....
Hey, if you combine the dog walker and the finding the food position--that's me! Hmmm....walking around Rome with a bunch of dogs, scoping out resturants--yeah--I could handle that job! But of course I would want both paychecks. And Father Erik for personal chaplin--he gives the best homilies!
Tara! If I have both Moneypenny and Richtsteig as chaplains, do you know how much that will cost me in In-n-Out?!
Oh well, what the hey! We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
Besides, that way I will have a TLM chaplain and a NO chaplain. Variety IS the spice of life!
Oh, and Tara - the job is yours! I can see it now, Tara waving "Ciao, bello!" at the hunky Swiss Guard, delicate lace mantilla floating in the breeze, with two Corgis, two English Bulldogs, and a Schnauzer, pulling her along (if Kit comes on board, you'll have hers to walkas well). No doubt His Holiness will come to his window at "walkies" time to smile down at you beatifically.
Oh dear Lord, I need tech support! How could I forget that? Although both the DigiHusband and Fr. John are alphageeks, they will be busy, so I really need Walter. And that means Martha comes and she and I can shop . .
OK, I'll do the tech support. Hopefully I won't have to translate into Italian. What is Italian for HTML?
What the heck would I want THAT job (although, I have to admit, I sorta do that now, and it's a pretty cool gig...)??? I want to be the Secretary Responsible for Smoking Tons of Killer Cigars and Drinking Gallons of Rye Whiskey (I basically already have that job, too....I just want to get paid for it. Trust me: I'm qualified!), and my Under-Secretary needs to be "Secretary in charge of keeping Tim's cigar and rye duties scheduled, organized and stocked-up".
xoxo (hic)
In my opinion, here's what our administration needs more than anything:
A committee tasked with the sole responsibility of attending Liberal demonstrations and meetings, then, loudly, pointing at them and laughing hysterically.
(I just hope Al Franken doesn't show up and beat the crap out of us...ooops...I mean ask us politely to kindly be respectful of open, reasoned debate...)
I'd gladly serve at the pleasure of the Ambassadress - whether as lawyer, personal shopper, and/or gelato taster
Hunky Swiss Guards! Oh, yes there are such lovely fringe benefits to the job.
Okay, I totally filled out the application.
And I'm going to blog about it. What better way to put the change and diversity meme to the test than to hire someone who's got opposing viewpoints.
I won't forget y'all when I'm rubbing elbows with Michelle and Bill...
Har.
I want White Castles too.
Oh, just whine, whine, whine, Richtsteig!
*Sigh* Okay, we also get a White Castles franchise installed next to the In-n-Out. An actual one, mind you, not a box of frozen sliders shipped from Costco. And why not? We're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
Kit! You and Martha Moneypenny can be my personal stylists, when you're not my in-house canonical lawyer.
I see regular trips to Milano to pick up that je ne sais quoi. Prada, Gucci . . . because, after all (say it with me now), we're not paying for it, the gummint is! :-D
La Vida E Bella, Baby!!!
I see that no one has applied for the position of deflecting POTUS calls. Being a salesman, (which automatically lumps me in with the stereotypical cars salesmen types, but I'm really not), I might be the guy you're looking for. I'm very good at coming up with creative, flowery excuses, as I have to do that from time to time when my customers call me to find out where they're orders are and I have to be....ummm, creative and flowery to avoid them getting really really angry. And I don't answer the phone half the time anyway, usually letting the voice mail take the message. Which gives me time to be, well, you know, creative and flowery.
Technically, I do not lie. I just omit certain aspects of the truth. Just like the POTUS-elect, right?
One thing I need to know, though. Are there any golf courses in the area? Or not, because after all, we're not paying for it, the gummint is!
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