2007 Fiesta Logo

Ah, it's that time of the year again - time to make the logo for this year's St. Joseph Fiesta and the accompanying poster.

Fortunately, the City of Santa Ana just spent $1 million to renovate the water tower with the new city logo: "Downtown Orange County." Here it is:

Hey, wait a minute - St. Joe's is in downtown Santa Ana. Hmmm . . .

Fortunately, Photoshop precludes me from having to test my vertigo and haul a paintbrush up to the top of the tower. A little pixel manipulation here and there et voila!

One Word, No Explanations Meme

I normally don't respond to memes unless someone specifically tags me, but I'm feeling peckish today, so let's see how snarky I can be . . .

1. Yourself: Breathing.
2. Your spouse: Masterful.
3. Your hair: Brown.
4. Your mother: Dotty!
5. Your father: Funny!
6. Your favorite item: Camera
7. Your dream last night: X-rated.
8. Your favorite drink: Brunello-di-Montalcino (okay, technically, it's three words but I hereby declare you can use hyphens to make it one).
9. Your dream car: Jaguar.
10. The room you are in: Office.
11. Your ex: Marine.
12. Your fear: Goldfish. (don't ask . . .)
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Healthy.
14. Who you hung out with last night: daughter.
15. What you're not: PC
16. Muffins: Bran.
17. One of your wish list item: Mastopexy.
18. Time: Predawn.
19. The last thing you did: Court.
20. What you are wearing: Casual.
21. Your favorite weather: Autumnal.
22. Your favorite book: Unknown (I haven't read all of them yet . . .)
23. The last thing you ate: Cheese.
24. Your life: Good.
25. Your mood: Upbeat.
26. Your best friend: Husband.
27. What you're thinking about right now: Fiesta.
28. Your car: Subaru.
29. What you are doing at the moment: Duh!
30. Your summer: Where?
31. Your relationship status: Married.
32. What is on your TV: BBC.
33. What the weather is like: Sunny.
34. When was the last time you laghed: Now!

Jephthah's Daughter

Yesterday, I took the time to attend the noontime Mass at my parish. A treat indeed, for the presider was Fr. Jude Lucier - a wonderfully erudite priest whose knowledge of sacred Scripture is formidable.

He warned us that the first reading - from Judges, Chapter 11 - was "outrageuous" and to view it as a time, event and place firmly set within the Old Testament. Unfortunately, because Fr. Jude was aware that people attending the Mass were on their lunch break from work, he did not touch upon the reading in his sermon but focused on the Gospel instead.

That did not keep me from being disturbed by the story of Jephthah. I see I am not the only one as Winnie over at Reformed Catholic is pretty steamed over what appears to be his pastor glossing over it with a "keep-your-promise-to-God-and-it's-noble" stance. Even if that means killing your only child. I've made a quick comment there, but I want to expound a little further here.

I won't rewrite Chapter 11 of Judges here, but I recommend that you take the time to read it through. It is not a long reading, but I think it has to been seen in its entirety to understand what is going on and to accept the interpretation that Jephthah indeed made a burnt offering to the Lord of his daughter.

What was the sacrifice - the girl or her virginity? Some Biblical scholars suggest that Jephthah made a vow to keep his daughter celibate for the rest of her lifetime if God helps him to defeat the Ammonites. His grief, then, comes from the fact that she is his only child and so, by sacrificing her virginity to God, he mourns the loss of his lineage. But look back at Jephthah's vow - "whoever" comes out to meet him first, Jephthah vows to offer as a holocaust. The offer of celibacy makes no sense if the proverbial old blind guy who sits by the cistern all day greets Jephthah first. It is bothersome that Jephthah would make such a vow after the Law has been given to the Israelites forbidding such a practice . . . and yet, notwithstanding the covenant that God has made with them, the Old Testament is filled with examples of the Israelites behaving poorly and, yes, even engaging in some of that "old time religion" being practiced by their pagan neighbors.

Jephthah is not a sympathetic character, by my reckoning. He is the illegitimate son of Gilead and a harlot, whose "legitimate" brothers cast him out, not wishing to share anymore than they have to of their father's estate. So, Jephthah becoems, in essence, a gang leader: "A rabble had joined company with him, and went out with him on raids." Nice guy - no mention of whom he's raiding, but I am willing to bet he is not to discriminating with his choce of victims.

Meanwhile, back at the old homestead, his brothers are feeling the heat from the Ammonites. They seem to remember, "Hey, I bet that thug Jephthah could kick their a**es!" and call him back to become their mercenary. Is Jephthah ready to do this for family honor or the sake of God's chosen people? Aw, hell no, he wants some power from those who cast him aside: "If you bring me back to fight against the Ammonites and the LORD delivers them up to me, I shall be your leader." And the deal is struck.

What follows is odd. Jephthah sends his envoys to the king of the Ammonites and basically warns them, "You know, we Israelites, we're not the bad guys you made us out to me, and even if we did annex a little bit of Moab, hey, God is on our side. Don't forget what happened to the Amorites when they warred against Israel - God, you know, delivered them to us. 'If now the LORD, the God of Israel, has cleared the Amorites out of the way of his people, are you to dislodge Israel?'" I think Jephthah's approach is odd, basically claiming to be inevitably victorious because he leads God's Chosen People while his previous actions do not suggest him to be a Godly man. If you're going to fight in the name of God, you better be with Him, else risk breaking that pesky Second Commandment, as we have seen rulers do throughout history and into modern times, eh?

And that is what happens - 'The spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah. He passed through Gilead and Manasseh, and through Mizpah-Gilead as well, and from there he went on to the Ammonites." Jephthah sees himself delivered safely before the Ammonites, ready to do battle, being led there by "the spirit of the Lord." Do you think that is enough for him to realize the faith that trust in the Lord will win the day? Oh no, not a shrewd guy like Jephthah - he wants a surety and so offers a bribe to God.

"Jephthah made a vow to the LORD. 'If you deliver the Ammonites into my power,' he said, 'whoever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites shall belong to the LORD. I shall offer him up as a holocaust.'"

What a louse. The practice of the Israelites was to offer as a burnt offering an unblemished male calf or kid, the idea being you sacrifice what is near perfection to One as great as God. Jephthah instead offers whoever - regardless! - comes out first. Could be the Village Idiot, could be the town brothel keeper ready with the "two for one" coupons for the returning troops, or - and I suspect that Jephthah was thinking along these lines - it could be those sum'bi**h brothers of his who cast him out in the first place, now vying to be the first to congratulate their new leader on his glorious victory, not realizing that the winner in such a foot race dies.

Who comes out? Jephthah's only child, his daughter, whose name is unknown to us. Psyche! At that point, Jephthah realizes his choice - does he keep his vow to God or does he succumb to the selfish nature that ruled him before? Jephthah is considered one of the great heroes of the Bible, but like our own Saints, he is not born that way. Instead, he faces a difficult choice and realizes that there is no fooling God or making deals with Him - His Will will be done. And who teaches Jephthah this? His own daughter, knowing what is in fate for her: "Father," she replied, 'you have made a vow to the LORD. Do with me as you have vowed, because the LORD has wrought vengeance for you on your enemies the Ammonites.'" A foreshadowing, as it were, of another Virgin saying, "Let it be done with me according to Your Will." Interestingly, no mention is made of Jephthah having anymore children after the death of his daughter and in Chapter 12 another man takes his place over Gilead, having come not from wthin but from Bethlehem (oh, what you could read into that).

Jephthah kept his promise but the real hero of the story is his daughter.

INRI

I decided to touch up this picture I took when I visited the new retablo at the Basilica San Juan Capistrano. It makes for a nice addition at my desk.

At Least He's Honest

I had lunch today with my old buddy from law school. I met him at his girlfriend's house in Santa Monica and we strolled down to the ocean for our meal. Afterwards, we walked along the boardwalk in Venice Beach, which provides one of the greatest open-air freak shows in the world. Seriously, NO visit to L.A. is complete without coming here and meeting its denizens as the one pictured above.

Are You a Believer?

This pisture was taken on Christmas Day 2002 in the family

room of my home (I have blocked out my son to protect his identity).

Presumably, "orbs" of light are said to be the presence of spirits and

it is common for them to come and visit on holidays.

This is the only picture that came out

this way - I have circled in green the orbs that showed up.

Okay, let's have some fun . . . this is a cool weather topic, usually reserved for October, but it's hot so maybe this will cool things down.

I am "on vacation" this week (okay, maybe a little work) and among my guilty pleasures is to catch up on TiVO'd programs. I don't exactly watch the run-of-the-mill type programs, but two of my favorites are about those things-that-go-bump-in-the-night, Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi Channel and Most Haunted on The Travel Channel. Ghost Hunters are a bunch of blue collar guys from Rhode Island who tend to take the attitude of first trying to debunk some phenonmenon before conceding that it is "paranormal," while the Brits of Most Haunted use mediums and have leader, Yvette, who could inspire a drinking game where everyone must take a swig anytime she intones, "I [feel or am] really, really [sick or scared] in here."

So, do you believe? The Church is quite explicit in that we are strictly forbidden to conjure spirits. One of the things that makes me uneasy when watching Most Haunted is that they will sometimes use an Ouija board, which is verboten in my house. If my daughter sees that, I use the occasion for a little catechism and warn her that that is NOT a toy and should NEVER be used by her - and if her friends want to do it at their homes, she is not to take part in it.

But the Church does not rule out the existence of ghosts. We know our souls are immortal and so it would be reasonable to believe that they are sometimes bidden to do God's will as we are, which may mean "visits" could take place from such dearly departed. Perhaps those ghosts that reportedly "haunt" a place are working their way through Purgatory, such as we can in our earthly existence.

Of course - and this is where we depart as Catholics from many of our more "sophisticated" fellow Christians who look for psychological reasons to unexplained phenonmena - we know that Satan will use all deception to fool us and place us at rick of his demons. So is it a benign spirit or a henchman of the Prince of Lies? Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit to beseech for the gift of discernment.

But should we place ourselves in that position knowingly and willingly? The question I have is whether it is proper for a Catholic to go on a "ghost hunt" - not so much "conjuring" a spirit, but going to an area where a "haunting" is known to exist and recording data to determine whether there is something strange going on or it's a question of an electrical socket throwing out too much static (I give credit to Ghost Hunters - they will show where often what someone terms paranormal activity has a physical cause behind it).

And secondly - what has happened to you? I have had what I will term "visits" from the dead, usually in dreams. There are no garbled messages - generally, it is just a deceased loved one coming in to give regards and love from himself or herself and from those who have also passed.

I will share this story . . .

As is my custom, on Halloween instead of decorating with ghouls and goblins, I erect the traditional ofrenda for Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) in my front yard. It is very, very, very well-received, especially by the many Hispanic families who come trick-or-treating, since it is done tastefull and with much respect. For a special touch, I place a "boom box" out of sight with selected music playing quietly.

My mother and I were sitting nearby the ofrenda at a small table where I hand out treats to the several hundred kids who come by (yes, that's right - my neighborhood rocks on Halloween night!). There was a lull in children and she and I were looking over at the ofrenda and reminiscing about our own departed, especially my father who passed away in 1995. My mother began joking, and shouted over to the ofrenda, "Well, Frank [that was my Dad], you never bother to come around and see me!" No one was standing at the ofrenda.

A few seconds later, the boom box suddenly started BLARING the music! I thought, "What the . . ." and scrambled over to where it was, under the table for the ofrenda. The volume control on it is a slider bar - which I found pushed all the way to its top setting. If it had not been so pushed, but was at the position where I previously set it, I would have chalked it up to a faulty volume control. But this sucker had been moved.

What could I do? "Nice one, Dad!" I laughed, readjusted the volume, and sat down again . . .

"Saving Grace"

This summer I have enjoyed watching the new series "Saving Grace" with Holly Hunter on the TNT Network. The official website for the show is here.

Ms. Hunter plays Grace Hanadarko, a hard-boiled cop in Oklahoma City who was raised a Roman Catholic. A close encounter with self-destruction (in fact, her character is pretty notorious for having those and does indeed step over the line at times) leads her to ask for God's help, which comes in the form of a red-neck, tobacco-chewing angel named Earl. Sounds cute? Nah, this show is tough and gritty, like Det. Hanadarko, and she fights the heavenly help as much as she can. Catholicism has been portrayed in a generally positive light, but not without some realistic smudges along the edges.

I love the theme song that is done by the group Everlast. Here are the lyrics.

One time around the block

2 times around the clock

3 times, don't cross the little lady

So pretty and oh so bold

Got a heart full of gold

On a lonely road she said "I don't even think that God can save me"

(Am I) gaining ground

(Am I) losing face

(Am I) lost and found by saving grace?

Thankful for the gift my angel's gave me.

Born alone

We die alone

Nuttin' but sittin' here by the phone

Watin for the Lord to send my callin'

Street wise from the boulevard

Jesus only knows that she tries too hard

She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'

Any man says it's Heaven and Hell

Prob'ly got somethin' useless to sell

You ask me if I'm saved but what's it to ya?

Blow a quarter
Cop another eight

You're runnin' out of hide

You're losin' your faith

Throw your hands up and scream halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Amen

One time around the sun

Another year older and my work ain't done

It's time for me to write the final chapter

Deal the cards and roll the dice

Sex, drugs and rock n roll are my only vice

Tryin' to figure out just what's here after

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Halleluiah

Amen

Retablo at Basilica San Juan Capistrano

I took today off and as part of a treat to myself, I headed down to the Basilica at Mission San Juan Capistrano to view the new retablo that was installed behind the altar.

It is magnifcant. The story behind it can be found here.

Strange Weed in Wilmington

A big ole' hat tip to the Catholic Caveman for posting his fabulous find on You Tube! He brings us a wonderful video - first you get a young Bernie Taupin, who introduces the great William Shatner, who then does a stirring rendition of the song "Rocket Man" by Elton John. I must admit, I never suspected that Cavey was into 70's glam, but hey, everyone is entitled to have their secret side.

Ah, but even better is Shatner's rendition of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds." I found a super video done to it on You Tube here.

And you know what's great about William Shatner? He takes none of this seriously and just has fun with it, knowing he is the joke. More people could take a lesson from that.

Rock on, Bill!

God Bless Peru

Pray, PRAY for the people of Peru!

Home Selling Setback

Ah, it seems with the Fed's latest announcement that interest rates will be kept where they are, the pursuit of a home sale by me and the Digihusband seems to have stalled.

Our house still remains on the market with a "sale pending" sign on top, but our buyer's lender shut its doors and loan programs are harder to come by now than a prayer at the DNC. We would have closed escrow last Monday, and had hoped that today a large moving van would have been pulling away with our worldly possessions contained therein. But that ain't gonna happen.

Although the lending crunch disappoints me, I am not surprised. In my line of business, I get to see the bloody aftermath of poor financial decisions and some of the home loans sitting on my clients' residences defy credulity. Piggyback loans, interest-only loans, neg-am mortgages, balloon payments - it is amazing the depth to which people have gone to purchase a home with little or no regard for fiscal sanity.

I see the hue and cry in the media about the "dishonesty" of mortgage brokers and the whines from foreclosed homeowners about how such "greedy" lenders had them sign loans that were too "complex" to understand. Hogwash. While the "creative financing" offered by some lenders was highly suspect in its solidity, the fact remains that many borrowers gave more weight to whether they could get the loan than whether they could afford the loan. That's a big difference and woe be unto them that figured, "They [the bank] wouldn't give me the loan if I couldn't manage it." Or they who thought, "The house will appreciate and I'll sell it for a profit before the balloon comes due/varaiable interest rate goes up." Amazing - there are people who go to a job they hate day in and day out because it is a steady paycheck and they do not want to take the risk of exploring new opportunities to enhance their lives, but will risk their homestead on the acquisition of debt without a thought. Simply amazing.

Well, then, my family and I will wait. We have not signed any purchase contracts for a home in Tennessee and we still have our jobs here. St. Joseph School has a seat for both kids (sorry, Sacred Heart Cathedral School in Knoxville, but hold on to our registration package). And we have a house that we like (if we could physically move it to Tennessee, we would) and a mortgage payment far below that of rents in the area. Eventually, a buyer who can secure lending will come along - we're not going to "fire sale" the house to move from California. And in the meantime:

Memorare to St. Joseph:

Remember, O most chaste Spouse of the Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who implored your help and sought your intercession was left unassisted. Full of confidence in your power, I fly unto you, and beg your protection. Despise not, O foster-father of the Redeemer, my humble supplication, but in your bounty, hear and answer me. Amen.

Wise Blood, I Gots

Which Author's Fiction are You?

Flannery O'Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes your notice.
Take this quiz!








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Remember, the life you save may be your own.
Hat tip to Paul the Regular Guy.

Funny, I Don't Feel Like One

You Are 64% Feminist

You are certainly a feminist - whether you know it or not. You believe in gender equality, at least most of the time. You also believe there are a few exceptions.

Are You a Feminist?

Wellllllll . . . I dunno. I don't think I support gender equality as much as I support, say, gender blindness. What I mean by that is if you have a job and the merits of the candidate for it does not rely on gender (and let's face it, sometimes it does), then pick the most qualified person and get on with it!

But, even that is not complete. Sometimes the job requires a male over a female, or a female over a male. I have to make a court appearance next week for the boss, and while two of the male attorneys in the office are available and capable, the client feels more comfortable with a female. So I'm going. That's not feminism, that's just common sense.

If the position is for a firefighter and that means the person has to be able to heft a 200-lb person to save their life and carry them down a ladder, and the female candidate just simply does not have the physical capacity for that, you don't lower the standards for the job, but instead hire the male. That's not sexism, that's just common sense.

In my lifetime - relatively short as it has only been going on 46 years - I have found myself in jobs that are in "male dominated" fields - the military, IT consulting, and the law.If I came across a "good old boys" club, I worked around it and if I couldn't do that, then I looked around elsewhere for opportunity because sometimes crap happens. Most of the time, though - I got judged by my results, and whether I got them while wearing pumps-n-pantyhose was meaningless.

So, no, I don't consider myself a feminist. I'm just out there to do the best job I can, while recognizing that there are factors and variables I can't change, and so it's me who has to adapt if I want to succeed.

Hat tip to Tony at the Catholic Pillow Fight for this poll.

Sto Lat, St. Maximilian Kolbe

Today is the feast day of a Polish saint, Fr. Maximilian Kolbe, of whom many are familiar. I always felt a kinship with him, having grown up in a household with my Polish grandparents and the stories of World War II always present.

Here is an eyewitness account of Fr. Kolbe's last days in Auschwitz, after he asked for himself to be sent to death in lieu if another Polish prisoner, who Fr. Kolbe knew had a family waiting for him:

In the cell of the poor wretches there were daily loud prayers, the rosary and singing, in which prisnoers from neighbouring cells also joined. When no SS men were in the Block, I went to the Bunker to talk to the men and comfort them. Fervent prayers and songs to the Holy Mother resounded in all the corridors of the Bunker. I had the impression I was in a church. Fr Kolbe was leading and the prisoners responded in unison. They were often so deep in prayer that they did not even hear that inspecting SS men had descended to the Bunker; and the voices fell silent only at the loud yelling of their visitors. When the cells were opened the poor wretches cried loudly and begged for a piece of bread and for water, which they did not receive, however. If any of the stronger ones approached the door he was immediately kicked in the stomach by the SS men, so that falling backwards on the cement floor he was instantly killed; or he was shot to death ... Fr Kolbe bore up bravely, he did not beg and did not complain but raised the spirits of the others. ...Since they had grown very weak, prayers were now only whispered. At every inspection, when almost all the others were now lying on the floor, Fr Kolbe was seen kneeling or standing in the centre as he looked cheerfully in the face of the SS men. Two weeks passed in this way. Meanwhile one after another they died, until only Fr Kolbe was left. This the authorities felt was too long; the cell was needed for new victims. So one day they brought in the head of the sickquarters, a German, a common criminal named Bock, who gave Fr Kolbe an injection of carbolic acid in the vein of his left arm. Fr Kolbe, with a prayer on his lips, himself gave his arm to the executioner. Unable to watch this I left under the pretext of work to be done. Immediately after the SS men with the executioner had left I returned to the cell, where I found Fr Kolbe leaning in a sitting position against the back wall with his eyes open and his head dropping sideways. His face was calm and radiant."

Thankfully, One Line in Underdog Went Over My Kid's Heads

I saw the new release Underdog this weekend. If you are the type of person who thought them animals were darn clever talkin' like they did in the movie Babe, then you will like this movie for once again anthromorphizing creatures. I liked the dog (voiced by Jason Lee) and really, give Peter Dinklage some more roles, because he is an outstanding actor and did a great job of playing the villain, Dr. Simon Barsinister.

The humor is mostly slapstick (Underdog crashing through a row of office cubicles was funny) and potty humor (y'know, 'cause dogs do things humans wouldn't, har-de-har-har) that kids find funny. Not too bad.

The one line referenced in the title of my posting? The sweet pup, Polly Purebred, is talking about Underdog romantically and imagines herself with him. She then adds, "There's not a hose cold enough to break that up!" Heh.

Today's Reading

I had the very good fortune to act as lector at my parish's 11:00 am Mass, and I consider it a gift from God to proclaim St. Paul's letter to the Hebrews today, which bears repeating here. So often we claim to be people of faith, but how often do we despair? The presence of despair is evidence of the absence of hope, and the absence of hope is the evidence of a weakness of faith.

May I also say that today I was proud of the fact that my parish has a very gifted homilist in our parochial vicar, Fr. Michael St. Paul, who did an excellent job this morning. Of course, with a surname like that, what else could you expect?

Brothers and sisters:

Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen. Because of it the ancients were well attested.

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; he went out, not knowing where he was to go.

By faith he sojourned in the promised land as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs of the same promise; for he was looking forward to the city with foundations,whose architect and maker is God.

By faith he received power to generate, even though he was past the normal age—and Sarah herself was sterile—for he thought that the one who had made the promise was trustworthy. So it was that there came forth from one man, himself as good as dead, descendants as numerous as the stars in the skyand as countless as the sands on the seashore.

All these died in faith. They did not receive what had been promised but saw it and greeted it from afar and acknowledged themselves to be strangers and aliens on earth, for those who speak thus show that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land from which they had come, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better homeland, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

By faith Abraham, when put to the test, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was ready to offer his only son, of whom it was said,“Through Isaac descendants shall bear your name.” He reasoned that God was able to raise even from the dead, and he received Isaac back as a symbol.

Cats Do Have a Purpose. I Just Think It's Medical Research.

I found a posting on Gerald's blog regarding a cute cat picture website. I had to send it to my friend who cannot resist a cute cat picture. Okay, okay, the title of my posting is a joke - no, I do not advocate using cats in vivisection. I am not fond of them, but I will not be cruel to them. As a dog person, however, I liked this picture.

I never had a Pomeranian (breed of dog in picture above), but I enjoy the Digihusband's stories about how he and his brothers would play "Bowling Pomeranian" and grab their own such doggie by his fluff o' hair, and launch him down a narrow hallway tiled with smooth lino, with a short flight of steps at the end. The trick was to gauge how hard to toss the dog because if he went down the steps, he'd get nasty and come back at them for revenge. I suppose in that regard it was really more "Bocce Ball Pomeranian." Need I say there were only boys in my husband's household while growing up? Speaking of which, I have discovered my brother-in-law setting up shop in the Catholic blogosphere.

Alas, we are "between dogs" now - the Digidaughter wants a Golden Retriever, the Digison (after seeing Underdog) wants a Beagle, the Digihusband wants a Blue Tick Hound, and I want another Pembroke Welsh Corgi (Husband was less than keen on getting another Weimaraner, although I love that breed, despite their neuroses).

My Transsexual Funny Bone

Uh-oh. When it comes to humor, it seems I'm a man . . .

I was reading the latest Reader's Digest this morning - one of the benefits of having an elderly mother living with you is her subscription to this magazine, as well as catalogs for "senior" health products that include vibrators "for those aching muscles" - if you know what I mean.

Anyway, the issue is one dedicated to humor. Inside is an article "Why Men and Women Laugh Out Loud" that talks about the difference between what tickles the funny bones of males and what does the same for females.

What does it take to tickle someone's ventromedial prefrontal cortex? Why does a woman like the hapless, shambling but sweet and romantic Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents and a guy prefer the loutish Ben Stiller in Dodgeball?

Herein lies my problem. Accompanying the article in a list of His & Hers Funny Films. Let me present the "female" films first and my take on them:

1. When Harry Met Sally . . . The orgasm scene is funny for about five seconds, but otherwise Meg Ryan is annoyingly scatterbrained.

2. 9 to 5. Okay, I liked this one, but mainly for Dolly's character.

3. Annie Hall. ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

4. Clueless. Cute. Not funny, but cute.

5. Tootsie. See Clueless.

Now the men's films:

1. Blazing Saddles. Hysterical! When Mongol comes riding in on the Brahmin bull and the guy punches out the horse . . . Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges . . .

2. Caddyshack. I caddied once for the Dalai Lama. He's a heavy tipper . . . he said to me, "Oonga baloonga" which means on my death bed I will receive total consciousness. So I got that going for me. Which is nice. Yes, I can do most of the dialog because I love this film (but its sequel blew).

3. Office Space. Never saw it.

4. Trading Places. Beef jerky time! Again, this is a movie I can watch over and over and crack up each time. But Mortimer, your brother . . .

5. Meet the Parents. It's got Bobby . . . how can it be bad?

There was a list of "5 We Watch Together", but the only one on it I like is Airplane! However, the evidence bears out - I am more a male than female when it comes to what I find funny.

Women don't like crude. "We don't do eye-poking, head-slamming humor. No woman has gone up to another woman and said, 'Pull my finger.'"

Man, I am in serious trouble because . . . welll . . . I have done that. And my female friend to whom I did it pulled my finger and laughed in anticipation of the ensuing flatulence. Okay, it was not done in polite company, but I hope that many of my sisters out there will attest to tha fact that females can get downright raunchy when it comes to being funny. And we love it.

Case in point: yesterday I was dealing with two Latino male attorneys. One was joking with me about wanting to go to Tennessee so I can be among "my peoples" or, as he said it, "You just want to be with the white folks!" To which I replied, "What can I say? My husband's a wizard under the sheets and I ain't talkin' about the sex, Carlos!" The other attorney about did a "Danny Thomas" with his cup of coffee.

Anyone got a good joke? Or, specifically, anyone want to try a "male joke" versus a "female joke"?

Wrong to Say Kaddish!? That's Just Meshuggah!

Since Kevin the Catholic Caveman has "excavemunicated" (his words - I cannot take credit for such inventive and clever word play) me from his lair so long ago, I will comment here as to his position on the recital of the Kaddish at the funeral of Jean-Marie Cardinal Lustiger in Paris.

He writes in his posting "No, No, NO!!":

Being proud of your ethnic heritage... sure. But having the Mourner's Kaddish read as part of the funeral on the grounds of Notre Dame Cathedral was just plain wrong. Why do I say that? Simple.. the Kaddish is a prayer that excludes Jesus Christ.

Cardinal Lustiger was born a Jew and never denied his background which, in the case of Jews, is more than an "ethnic heritage." Just like Jesus' own, another who never denied his own Jewish heritage.

In reading the posting, I do not think the Caveman was critical of Cardinal Lustiger for being open about his background. Rather, he takes issue with the fact that - at Cardinal Lustinger's own request - the Kaddish was recited "on the grounds of Notre Dame."

Here is an English translation of the Kaddish:

Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

As the facts stand, the Kaddish for Cardinal Lustiger was recited before his casket was carried into Notre Dame for his funeral, in the square that sits in front of the cathedral. It was not recited inside the cathedral.

I fail to see how it was inappropriate to include it as part of a memorial before his funeral Mass began. The gist of the Kaddish is not "this-man-was-a-faithful-Jew-and-now-we-are-burying-him." Rather, it has one point - to glorify God and express a desire that God's kingdom be established on earth.

In legal arguments, when one lawyer relies solely on technical issues of the law, you will often hear the retort from the bench, "Counsel, that's form over substance!" At common law, law is based both in statutes and code but also in case law, where judges must weigh an interpretation of the code as applied to actual facts. In doing so, they must ask whether equity and fairness are being compromised such to the point that justice - the end goal - is also compromised. I think Caveman's vehement opposition to Jean-Marie Cardinal Lustiger's family member reciting a Jewish prayer before His Eminence's funeral service is based more in form than substance.

Don't let your practice of the Catholic faith compromise your Christianity.

Excellent Pillow Fighting

I want to bring to your attention a wonderful critique by Tony over at The Catholic Pillow Fight regarding a blogster's crticism of the Duggar Family.

As many of you know, the Duggars, an evangelical Christian family, recently welcomed their 17th child into the household. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar believe children are a gift from God and decided they would let God give them as many as He wanted them to have.

Could I handle 17 children on a 24/7 basis? Mr. Magic 8 Ball says, "very unlikely." But if Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar think they can - and they are demonstrating that to be true - then be of glad heart that in this culture of death, there are those who are so pro-life.

Okay, okay - now if only they were Catholic . . . ;-)

R.I.P., Msgr. James Coyne

I received a copy of Spellman News yesterday, the newsletter of Cardinal Spellman HS in the Bronx (I was Class of '78). I was saddened to see an obituary for Msgr. James Coyne, who taught at Spellman between 1966 and 1983. He taught an outstanding course in psychology that was a highlight of my senior year. Many students, myself included, thought him to be brilliant.

Said a priest-friend of Fr. Coyne: "Anyone who visited Jim during the past 20 years came away knowing that Jim was still every inch a priest and still exercised his priestly ministry through the example he gave us of patience and fortitude and trust in the Lord . . . he knew that the Eucharist is our closest link with the risen Lord."

Rest in peace, Fr. Coyne, and thank you for the excellence you brought to your students at Cardinal Spellman HS.

Aw, Who Isn't?

The Clam speaks an absolute truth.

Gardasil Vaccine

My 10-year-old daughter went for a medical checkup and update on her vaccines yesterday at her pediatrician. The choice was offered to give her the Gardasil vaccine, which is designed to counteract the Human Papillomavirus (HPV). HPV can cause or contribute to cervical cancer and genital warts.

I chose not to have them vaccinate Katherine with Gardasil. I looked at the Gardasil website and was bemused to find this statement, under the FAQ "How Do People Get HPV?"

"Anyone who has any kind of sexual activity involving genital contact with an infected person can get HPV—-intercourse isn't necessary." "According to the CDC, the only way you can totally protect yourself against HPV is to avoid any sexual activity that involves genital contact."

So, like AIDS - absent certain circumstances such as rape - HPV is 100% preventable. My daughter is only 10. I feel I have time to continue working with her about making the right choices in her conduct without having to rush to have her vaccinated with something whose long-term effects remain unknown.

I do not take this lightly. My late mother-in-law, God rest her soul, died from cervical cancer and that is something that Kate has to worry about as a woman.

Has anyone else faced this decision - whether to give a vaccine to a child with an eye towards preventing the consequences of teenage or adult sex later on? My duaghter can make this decision when she comes of age, but for now, I say no.

My Mother's Meatloaf Needed More Than Prayers, But . . .

On a lunchtime stroll through the blogosphere, I was over at Dappled Things to whom a hat tip is given for bringing to my attention the website of Fr. Leo E. Patalinghug. Fr. Leo is poised, it seems, to become the next Emeril, Bobby, Paula or Alton with his show Grace Before Meals.

Grace Before Meals is a new television show coming to PBS dedicated to bringing families back to the table. Host Father Leo Patalinghug brings people from all walks of life into the kitchen to share his insights on cooking and strengthening relationships. Whether they're at a crossroads or have cause for celebration, Grace Before Meals creates fun and informative opportunities for people to feed themselves - body, mind and soul.

There is a companion book, which can be pre-ordered now. I like when Catholicism is shown incorporated into the everyday activities of the faithful. Kudos to Fr. Leo!

Spider Pig, Spider Pig . . .

Okay, just got back from The Simpsons Movie - completely sophomoric and scatalogical humor, but hey, what else would you expect? I thought it was funny how many kids have seen the trailer, such that when Homer lifts his pig up to walk on the ceiling and sings "Spider Pig", all the kids in the theater were singing along.

If you go to the movie's website, you can create your own Simpsons avatar. Yup, there I am in all my animated glory.

I'm So Much Cooler Online

Every weekend I look forwrd to reading The Financial Times of London, to which the DigiHusband subscribes. Of particular delight is the weekly column by Mrs. Moneypenny, a pseudonym for a delightful female investment banker and of no relation to my friend and pastor. Her topics will run from the latest devaluation of the Euro to the Chelsea Flower Show to ruminations about the expenses associated with Cost Centre #1, Cost Centre # 2, and Cost Centre #3, as she refers to her three sons.

This week touched upon online dating and in reading it I thought, you know, she has a point. For you "singletons" (as they say in the UK) out there looking for a good Catholic mate, why waste time? I did a quick search and found CatholicSingles.com and CatholicMatch.com, two sites dedicated to romantically-inclined Papists. Being a happily married Catholic, I did not look further, but I think Mrs. Moneypenny's point is well taken if you were looking for laic love online. Prefer the Novus Ordo? Weed out the Rad Trads! Or the opposite - if Latin chant rocks your boat, and he or she says that a turn-on is Haugen & Hass, then you know to avoid the near occasions of bad dating!

Anyway, here is a little Mrs. M to brighten your day:

************************************************************************************

My friend, the cyber-huntress
By Mrs Moneypenny
Published: August 4 2007 01:32 Last updated: August 4 2007 01:32

My Most Glamorous Girlfriend is internet dating. Is that so terrible? She recommended the experience to another single woman the other day, whose response was “I am not that desperate.”

Why is it that internet dating is regarded as desperate? I think whether you are the CEO of one of the world’s largest oil companies, or a beautiful twice-divorced blonde such as MGG, you should be allowed to seek a mate on the internet without being ashamed of it.

Cyberspace strikes me as the perfect place to find someone with whom you are compatible, mainly because you can screen out unsuitable candidates at an early stage without having to waste an enormous amount of emotional energy on them. I have fallen for people on sight only to discover later on that they were obsessive compulsives, or had read only one book in their entire lives, or liked Wagner - all of which I could have discovered had I cyber-chatted to them for a while before meeting them in the first place.

The really great thing, of course, is that you can specify what you are looking for in someone. Take this, for instance: “... must be young, handsome (I lay most stress upon a good shape), sensible, well-bred, chaste and tender, of some good nature, a great deal of generosity ...”. No, this is not an internet ad, but the beginning of a 1779 specification written by Thomas Hamilton, one of the founding fathers of the US, when he was looking for a wife. Solvency was also important to him: “As to fortune, the larger the better. Though I run no risk of going to purgatory for my avarice, yet as money is an essential ingredient to happiness in this world - as I have not much of my own and as I am very little calculated to get more either by my address or industry - it must needs be that my wife, if I get one, bring at least a sufficiency to administer to her own extravagancies.”

Think how much easier it would have been for him to have been able to use the internet! But even MGG (whose extravagancies would have finished off Thomas Hamilton, I think) was initially reluctant - I had to drag her round to my office one evening, ply her with drink and then sign her up to two sites and pay for them myself before she agreed to go ahead. But once signed up, she embraced the process with enthusiasm, seeking out a suitable photo (not too glamorous, not too ghastly) and attaching it to her details.

The response was - literally - overwhelming. She had specified an age range of 50-60, so begging letters from mere boys of 35 were repudiated (despite the fact that several of them advanced the argument that they were likely to be more vigorous than people over 50). She set about whittling down the likely candidates from the 150 who applied to a list short enough to interview personally - eliminating the ones who reassured her that they still had their own teeth. From there she granted second interviews to a handful and then third and subsequent interviews to just one, who was divorced with a child of a similar age to MGG’s child.

I have not met him yet but I have read his profile on the internet. He appears to be doing all the right things - whisking her away on her birthday for a romantic weekend and a Van Morrison concert, cooking her dinner, driving her to the airport at ungodly hours of the morning. I haven’t asked about the sex, but if I learn that he puts his dirty laundry into the basket instead of on to the floor that will put the seal on my jealousy.

I met Mr M 20 years ago this month, and the internet didn’t exist for the masses then. But we were still matched by computer - the Qantas computer that allocated us adjacent seats on the flight. We remain together, laundry habits notwithstanding. But if he ever puts me back on to the secondary market, I shall be rushing with enthusiasm - not desperation - to the internet.

In My Family, Yeah, She Did It . . .

Once again it is August 4th, and my thoughts turn macabre as I think back to what happened on this day, on one very hot summer morning in 1892 in Fall River, Massachusetts.

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
And when she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.

I have posted before about my family connection to Lizzie Borden, hence why her story remains near and dear to me. Plus the fact that my great-grandfather always held her guilty in the murders and so maybe that secret is one to be carried by my family.

Diet Tips Friday

1. Try to eat at least 4 grams of fiber in every meal.

2. Use a salad plate instead of a regular dinner plate to control portions.

3. Post this picture on your refrigerator or pantry as a deterrent.**.

** Also handy as an example of how not to act for etiquette and RCIA classes.